How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.


How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Let her cook in the dark.


I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her.


If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?


Most accidents happen at home.

And the men have to eat them!


How do you blind a woman?

Put a windshield in front of her face.


How many men does it take to mop a floor?

None. It's a woman's job.


A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.


Why can't Helen Keller drive?

She's a woman!


Why did the woman cross the road?

Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen???


How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't...there's a clock on the oven!


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