How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her cook in the dark.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
Most accidents happen at home.
And the men have to eat them!
How do you blind a woman?
Put a windshield in front of her face.
How many men does it take to mop a floor?
None. It's a woman's job.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman!
Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen???
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
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